she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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