the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
