I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
