3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
