He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize