Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
