I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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