I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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