we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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