I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
