drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
