based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
