Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They took my balls.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
