i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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