I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
