I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Randomize
