just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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