I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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