I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
