I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
