After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
