Cold hands, warm shart.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
