the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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