the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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