you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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