i just snorted my name. best moment ever
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I deserve this hangover.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
