She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
a search helicopter?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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