before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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