I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
