i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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