Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
