this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
