This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
