even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
