I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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