Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
