he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
