I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
