Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
