Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
