Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
