Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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