Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
