oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
