No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
