I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
