if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
