Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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