Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize