If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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