Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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