My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
