I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
