I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
