I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
