You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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