I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
