yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize