It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
