Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
