upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
