Kiss
Puke
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize